Street Boulevard (Posts tagged long post)

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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna

jade-harley-witch-of-vore:

ultistes-meister:

m0nster-c00kie:

i-ship-it-blackrom:

quadratic-shipping:

flighty-8road:

fandomemeia:

ryanschemicalromance:

funghoulfrnkie:

twentyoneemokilljoys:

sporadiccheesecakecat:

Getting To Know Followers!!

Rules-Tag 20 followers you would like to get to know better

Nicknames- I’ve been called Bob since like first grade for no apparent reason

Gender- Female (guininely debatable, but currently we’re going with female)

Star Sign- Aquarius

Height- 5’3

Sexuality- Heterosexual

Hogwarts House- Hufflepuff

Favourite Animal- Lemurs!! They’re such freaking good boys!!

Average Hours of Sleep- 7-9

Dogs or Cats- BOTH they are all so good and cute and squishy!!!

Number of Blankets I Sleep With- 3

Where I’m From- I’m from Canada

Dream Trip- probably either Italy or England

When I Created This Account- tbh I don’t even remember

Why I Created This Account- to meet people that have similar interests as me

Followers- 38

I tag:

(I’m probably just gonna tag blogs I know, not necessarily followers)

@twentyoneemokilljoys @danslawdegree @brendons-chemical-forehead @gerardslaymoaning @ifhermionewasgay @the-black-melody @officiallymaevis3 @certainlyemo @fancyjellyfishwonderland @highoffsleep @thebootydiaries @addict-with-pilots @quiffedphil @jayerzz @im-basically-logan @zhe-lazy-fox @threecheersforthedanger-days @incorrectsides @enbydaniel @chileandeppresedteenager

Thanks @sporadiccheesecakecat for tagging me!

Nicknames - Raisin, Mishmish (don’t ask), and Ginge (short for ginger, I have red hair)

Gender - Femaley

Star Sign - Leo

Height - 5'6

Sexuality - Asexual/Aromantic

Hogwarts House - Slytherin but my friends think I should be in Ravenclaw

Favourite Animals - chipmunks…..squirrels…..dogs…cats…everything

Average hours of sleep: Ha! 2-3

Dogs or Cats: Dogs SORRY I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

Number of blankets I sleep with - 1

Where I’m from - Canada, eh

Dream Trip - My old cottage

When I created this account - bold of you to assume it was created

Why I created this account - mainly to shitpost

Followers: last time I checked 151

I tag:

@aubreywoods28 @zany2004 @cool-thunder-the-lone-killjoy @ray-toronado @funghoulfrnkie @girlofmixedfandoms @but-i-like-velcro @crazyabbyarcanine @ghostly-gay-potato @vampire-withoutvangs @so-take-your-gloves-and-get-out @cat-astrxphic @sadpunkz @living-life-on-borrowed-time @pansexualravenclaw98 @xofrnkieromustdie @thehufflepuffdad @positivelyross @geewhiz137 @raytoroortiz

thanks @twentyoneemokilljoys !

nicknames- beth, donkey, aphid, b (donkey and aphid and b come from my best mate everyone else calls me beth)

gender- female

star sign- sagittarius

height- 5’6

sexuality- bisexual

hogwarts house- ravenclaw

favourite animals- i like doggos, snakes, bats and ravens

average hours of sleep- uhh about 6-10

dogs or cats- THATS HARD :( uhh gonna have to say dogs

number of blankets i sleep with- 1 i guess??

where i’m from- i’m from england!!

dream trip- new jersey or brighton, i’ve just always wanted to go there really badly

when i created this account- uhh like january?? i’m not sure!!

why i created this account- to share my love (hmm more like obsession) of bands and to meet new people!

followers- 575!

i tag-

@the-local-emo-trash @ozzypawsboneprinceofbarkness @ryanschemicalromance @ryansmilkjug @brendo-is-depresso @getscared-shadow @aubreywoods28 @alexa13sws @emoshithead1000 @helenasayssolong @ anyone else who wants to do this ^-^

Thank you so much @funghoulfrnkie!

Nicknames: Emma (since my real name is Ema lol), Emíša (pronounced eh-meesh-ah), Emča (ehm-tshah)

Gender: female

Star sign: leo

Height: 5'2

Sexuality: bi

Hogwarts house: ravenclaw but everyone says i’m a slytherin

Favorite animals: turtles and penguins i guess? oh and dogs ofc

Average hours of sleep: 3? 4?

Dogs or cats: D O G S

Number of blankets I sleep with: 1 but atm 0 because it’s hot af

Where I’m from: Czech Republic

Dream trip: Probably Los Angeles or New Zealand (but I want to see Salt Lake City so much omg)

When I created this account: July or August 2017

Why I created this account: Because I wanted a new lockscreen so I created an account only for saving lockscreens and I kinda stayed here lol

Followers: 734

I tag: @joelsdailylife @angelica-olsen @unstabledepressedtrash @love-is-a-chemical @fandomemeia @windex-princess-gia @beyond-ladders @turtle-emo @721bennyboy @psychodemon111 @s-t-o-r-m–c-h-a-o-s @emosanonymous

hewwo, thanks @ryanschemicalromance for tagging me!!!

Nicknames: Ianne, Ennai, Tia, (i’d prefer to be called this on here since no one irl uses it) Chana (???my cousin was 2 and he tried saying my name and it just got stuck. its been 5 years)

Gender: female

Star sign: fragile capricorn

Height: 5'1

Sexuality: bi

Hogwarts house: at first i was ravenclaw, but then i took that quiz again and it became gryffindor. i’m more of a ravenclaw tho

Favorite animals: owls

Average hours of sleep: 4-6 or 12 nothing in between

Dogs or cats: thats like asking me to chose between mcr or patd..n/a

Number of blankets I sleep with: 1, sometimes 2

Where I’m from: won’t be too specific bc i’m an Anxious Little Frick but Philippines (mabuhayyy)

Dream trip: idk there’s a lot..somewhere in England, LA, Japan..Paris sbjsnsiw

When I created this account: feb or march 2018? idk haha

Why I created this account: I used to use Pinterest but realized that most of the pins there are just from tumblr so I thought why not? And I needed more memes and bandom content to fuel my game and to meet more fandom people

Followers: 52 lmao

I tag: @my-url-doesnt-matter @bi-and-goth @batloverr @lonelymoonlxght @late-to-everything @spacedooooood @absentloversthngs @likethecatthatjustatethecanary @asafekindofhighfive @depresso-is-brendo @yourfrnkiero @we-deal-we-deal @rossintuition @im-no-fucking-fun @flighty-8road

(side note: if you’re not comfortable answering a certain question, then pls don’t, i don’t wanna push u or anythin’ :D)

Yo, @fandomemeia

Nicknames: Uhh… not really any. I Guess there are a couple people who call me “Creature”, that counts.

Gender: Is “none” an option?

Star sign: Virgo

Height: 5′4″

Sexuality: G I R L S

Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw

Favorite animal: Cats

Average hours of sleep: Anywhere from twelve hours to three, it varies. 

Dogs or cats: Cats

Number of blankets: One in the summer, like four in the winter.

Where I’m from: Missouri

Dream trip: Go to New York and see EVERY Broadway show.

When I created this account: I think summer of 2016.

Why I created this account: I needed good memes.

Followers: 340 (Damn, that’a a lot)

I tag: @madqueen1, @magbyfromspace, @spontaneous-pterodactyl-screams, @itsyaboimilk, @phil-that-hole-up, @leorigon, @bullets-whore, @late-to-everything, @quadratic-shipping, @profound-dick-whispers, @absolute-theatre-trash, @warm-mug-of-pigeons, @frnkiero-is-my-aesthetic, @ireneallen, @jaronh, @thatdamreader, @iruleoverfuckoffiamthevoid, @actual-teen-wreck, @oddsignal, @i-ship-every-one

@flighty-8road

Nicknames: AR,I’ve said S3 was an option but nobody uses it lol, and as for terrible ones my friends have made up you should not use, The Bank & Mally the Salamalonhead

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Aries

Height: 5′something or other

Sexuality: Flaming Bisexual

Hogwarts house: Slytherin or Ravenclaw

Favourite animal: Owls or snakes 

Average hours of Sleep: 7

Dogs or Cats: Cats, I’m way too low energy for dogs

Number of blankets: One, maybe two if I’m pretty cold? if you need more than one blanket then maybe find some better blankets tbh

Where I’m from: Born in Texas but I’m “from” Calgary

Dream Trip: Somewhere tropical, with really awesome roller coaster parks, and nerd stuff, but not Florida. Preferably has a volcano, and no spiders. If we’re talking about like anything possible then definitely some sort of “you’ve been transported into a fantasy realm or a video game” thing 

When I created this account: Around august 2017

Why I created this account: I heard Tumblr was good for Homestuck content, and I needed a more convenient way to keep up with WP than reddit, and my favourite classpect theorist (dahniwitchoflight), so it’s really shocking that I end up posting so much Homestuck on here huh!

Followers: 109 (apparently. not my fault y’all have bad taste)

@hopeful-and-dreamless @spectrumtwelve @kaleidoscopicfae @foredoomedrhythm @blueexorcistisbae @sarcasticghostyboy @roselover159   @halluraz @tawnyevergreen @kittyvanblood @thegreath @lilz300 @skellyofmyskillz @yes9yearslater @bismuthpride @ineedholy-water @thesebattlescarsarebeautiful @i-ship-it-blackrom @depressedpistachio @strideeraliens

@quadratic-shipping thanks for the tag, didnt think id get tagged in anythin for like a year or so lol Nicknames: is bitch a nickname because thats what most of my irl friends call me Gender: 72 is the correct answer right Star sign: snooty fuckin aquarius Height: 5'8 Sexuality: girls with like the smallest dash of boys (but mostly girls) Hogwarts house: apparently slytherin Favorite animals: cats and red pandas Average hours of sleep: like 6 or something i don’t know Dogs or cats: kitties!!!! Number of blankets I sleep with: 2, occasionally 3 Where I’m from: im from texas howdy yall Dream trip: amywhere i can check out what the fuck a maid cafe is When I created this account: sometime last year Why I created this account: i have no fuckin clue i just wanted to see more fanfic and art than i could on google Followers: like 31 or something i tag: @odeorainss @monster-c00kie @heir-of-the-founders @raxtus-is-my-hero @djpurple3 @depressed-alone i cant remember any others if you wanna be tagged just yell at me for not remembering you

@i-ship-it-blackrom thanks for tagging me, sorry I didn’t see this sooner!

Nickname: Ginger

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Saggitarius, but I don’t really follow astrology

Height: 5'3"

Sexuality: Ace, I think.

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

Favorite Animal: it’s hard to choose but at the top of my list is Horses, Deer, Moths, Foxes, and Bats.

Average Hours of Sleep: 11-12(It’s depression babe!👉😎👉)

Dogs or Cats: Both!

Number of Blankets I Sleep withv: 1 thick comforter (+an extra blanket if it’s really cold)

Where I’m from: Texas.

Dream Trip: ..Italy I guess.

When I created this account: about 1 year ago I think.

Why I created this account: to follow Discord Whooves(//-_-//)

Followers: 126 (idk why)

I tag: @imstuckathome12 @graphite-doodles-draws @cimicherrychanga @iamg1004 @boy-lobster @melodiousnonsense @jangnan @karkat-doodle-doo @deadunivers @candyredterezii @cosmonautcorner @scottfucker @ultistes-meister @brainmate @good-or-bad-luck @sammytmermaid @big-memes-dead-dreams @sandman1201 @joaopedro32155 @solluxcap (but only if y'all want to answer. No pressure!)

Thanks for tagging me, @m0nster-c00kie

Nickname: Ven (by some friends on ps4), Meister (chosen nickname on here), Sulan (by parents, since birth)

Gender: Caedogender (because of trauma my gender was cut away, was a cis girl before that)

Star Sign: Scorpio

Height: 1,66 m (because metric system rules, people)

Sexuality: Asexual

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Favorite Animal: Cats. Cats of all types.

Avarage Hours of Sleep: Meh, it depends. Anywhere beyween 5 and 15 hours and I’ll function.

Dogs or Cats: Cats, but that doesn’t mean I dislike dogs. I’d just be too lazy to take care of one. Cats are easier, and I grew up with them.

Number of Blankets I Sleep With: 1 weight blanket (10 kilos).

Where I’m From: Sweden. Stockholm, to be precise.

Dream Trip: Well… I dunno. I think I’d like to visit Germany again, like I used to do with my grandpa.

When I Created This Account: I dunno, not even a year ago, I think.

Why I Created This Account: Thought it was high time I did, since my bro made one years ago. I’d already found a couple of artists that I liked, I just couldn’t follow them without an account. Didn’t want to forget their usernames.

Followers: 33

I tag: @megalaurasaurasrex @fishjizzies @chaotic-novia @jade-harley-witch-of-vore @mewrails and anyone else who feels like doing this thing (yes, I’m cheating)

If you get it from me, tag me so I can see your part :)

I was tagged by @ultistes-meister <3

Nickname: Ark !! Or Strider, Most people call me by my full first name Arkin tho

Gender: Male (FTM, I don’t pass all that well though ;u;)

Star Sign: Scorpio owo

Height: 5'8.5 or 174 cm !!

Sexuality: Asexual / Greyaromantic

Hogwarts House: Slytherin !!

Favorite Animal: Foxes and Cats :33

Avarage Hours of Sleep: Depends on the day lol, sometimes its 3 and other times it’s like 30

Dogs or Cats: Cats!!! I don’t really prefer dogs but they’re still cute, I can just handle cats better even tho I’m allergic lol

Number of Blankets I Sleep With: Normally it’s like 2 but since it’s summer I sleep with just my robe

Where I’m From: Michigan in the United States !!! In the Saginaw Bay area to be specific

Dream Trip: Probably Korea? It’d be super cool to see the place my mum was when she was pregnant with me and now that I kinda know Korean it’d be kinda easy for me to get around :0

When I Created This Account: 2012 I think?

Why I Created This Account: I was like 11 and wanted to have an mlp ask blog lmao

Followers: 348 !!

I tag: I don’t know 20 people so I’ll tag @socyourpal @roxytherogueofvoid and @paints-and-pens !!

I was tagged by @jade-harley-witch-of-vore


Nickname: Soc


Gender: Male???? probably


Star Sign: Cancer!


Height: either 6'0 or 6'1


Sexuality: Gay af but girls are good


Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff Represent


Favorite Animal: Raccoons


Avarage Hours of Sleep: 24/7 i am barely conscious at all


Dogs or Cats: Cats, defo


Number of Blankets I Sleep with: all


Where I’m From: Michigan! im moving to bay city soon


Dream Trip: Ireland, visit the forests there in spring


When I Created This Account: 2015


Why I Created This Account: I was curious as to what happens here and i still dont like it


Followers: 478!

I dont have friends so tag yoselfs

Source: sporadiccheesecakecat
long post about me thanks arkin heart emoji

Birds That Occupy My Home RD

(This post is me exploring the inner charactor of an oc im writing, if you’re concerned at all, please dont worry!! thank you tho!)

The first is a small dove, she is beautiful but vicious. Her twitters and tweets whisper to me about love at a primitive level, too throw it all away and give in. The dove is the easiest to stifle. Its common decency to stifle.

The second is a swan, the quacks and gestures tell me to rest, to lay down my head and forget the woes of this world. To relax. Hes a bit more difficult to handle but I manage.

A hawk hangs above my head, telling me I deserve more, that I am but a king among common rabble and deserve the very best of the worlds finery that I am truly the best at whatever I do. She tells me to flaunt, to never leave any of those that have the privilege of meeting me under any kind of illusion that I am lesser than them. I find this bird to be ridiculous and over rated.

In the kitchen, a seagull whispers to me to devour it all, to not stop until my desire is fulfilled. Food, Wine, treat it all like you’re in the walls if Valhalla and keep gorging to your hearts delight. I dont make enough to even Try to feed this bird.

The fifth is a vulture, his mannerisms not to different from the seagull. He tells me to take what is mine and to take it all. He has dreams of having the world under his foot and relaxing in the finery of the ultra rich. I never liked this one.

The next two are the birds that have ruined my life, over and over again. I hate these birds.

He is an owl, old and scarred from fighting too long. He tells me to hurt those I love, to hunt down the ones that wronged me and kill them. Watch their life, their hopes and dreams, everything they have drain from their eyes and eat the corpse, leave nothing for the vultures but a message. A message of rage. I’m scared that I’m allowing this bird into my home. I dont want it here but it hangs there, stalking me.

I hate this bird. She is a small song bird. She sings to me at night, that im not good enough for him, for her, for anyone. She sings to me my failures and how others are succeeding. She tears into my chest and pecks at my heart telling me that i’ll never be good enough. She tells me fantastic stories that amaze the mind, stories of riches, of love fulfilled. Then she reminds me that these stories are not prophesy, that I am nothing. I agree with this bird. She has never told me a lie. I hate this bird. I wish it would just shut the fuck up and let me live my life.

lust sloth pride gluttony greed envy in that order i think Hey! I wrote this! My writing Please dont message me about these things its not me its an oc for a novel im writing thanks for the concern tho I love yall!! writing long post
wearepaladin
writing-prompt-s

You are a guard in a fantasy world. You notice a man in elegant armor kick a chicken in the streets. In your lawful rage, you manage to kill this man in the name of justice. To your dismay, you realize you just killed The Chosen One. You just doomed the world.

delotha

In my defense, it was self-defense.

I saw him saunter through town in his expensive, fancy armor, nearly bowling over Granny Fairchild when she didn’t get out of his way fast enough.  I didn’t think much of him - no one did, that I knew - but what was I going to do?  The man was clearly some sort of lord or higher, and I’m just a guard.  Not even a captain or sergeant!  Just a normal, everyday run-of-the-mill guard.

In short, there’s nothing special about me.  No special training, no special knowledge - unless you count laws, which I memorized - nothing whatsoever.

I didn’t say anything when he demanded prices to be lowered, and forced his “goods” on us.  Spoils of adventures, he said.  You can’t get them anywhere else.  What are we going to do with forty preserved wyvern eyeballs!  It’s not something any of us can use.  I don’t care how much some wizard in a city we’ve never been would pay for them.

I didn’t say anything when he aggressively flirted with all the women, to the point that little Maria started crying and her brothers looked for sharp objects.  Thank the gods that Maria’s wife is so quick-thinking, and got his attention elsewhere!  It would have been a very ugly, very deadly brawl, and Maria would have lost her brothers.

I didn’t say anything when he co-opted the blacksmith’s forge to make a few daggers to push on us - because his skill is so legendary, however were we to survive without his priceless daggers?  Ahmed was unable to fulfill his orders that day, and will now have to work twice as hard to catch up!  And I wanted him to look at my gauntlet, too, because it was starting to look a little warped at the wrist.

But when I saw that man start to kick around Granny Fairchild’s chickens, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut any longer.  Those chickens are all she has!  Every morning, Granny Fairchild comes to market with a basket of fresh eggs, and we all buy some - even if we don’t need eggs - to make sure she doesn’t go hungry.  Like most of us, she refuses handouts and charity, preferring to get by on her own.

“You can’t do that,” I told him, using my sternest voice.

“Do what?” he asked, kicking a hen and sending her scuttling.

“That,” I said.  “Kicking chickens.  Or any animal.  You can’t do that.”

“Who’s going to stop me?” he asked arrogantly.  He looked me up and down, mockingly.  “You?”

And just to be an ass, he took out his sword and killed one of the chickens right then and there.

Now, killing someone’s animal isn’t necessarily an arrestable offense.  You get a fine, you pay it, and you go on your way.  Especially something small, like a chicken.  A cow, now, or a horse, that’s a different story.  But a chicken - no. 

But by this point, I was so tired and so fed up with his attitude.  Who was he to walk into our village in his fancy, expensive armor and harrass our people?  Making our shy girls cry, assaulting our widows and grandmothers, nearly robbing us blind by forcing his “goods” on us in exchange for ours, and putting good people out of work for his barely average daggers?  An entitled ass, I tell you.

So I took out my sword and intended to bash him at the back of his head to bring him to his knees.  It’s not a very brave act, to attack someone from behind, but you must understand that even then, he was some mighty adventurer while I am a lowly village guard.  In a fair fight, I had no chance.

Apparently, I hit him too hard, or just right, because he went down like a sack of potatoes and didn’t get up.  I looked him over, then call for our healer.  When she arrived, she pronounced him dead and congratulated me.

Imagine that, being congratulated for being a murderer.

Well, we gathered his things and I sent out a report to my sergeant in the next village over, who must have forwarded it to the captain, because the next thing any of us knew, we had an entire garrison marching on us.  The captain demanded to see me, and I reluctantly made my way up.

I murdered a lord’s son, I thought.  They’re going to arrest me for murdering a lord’s son!  There goes my career!

I hadn’t murdered a lord’s son, of course.  I did something much worse.

“You killed Adam Draxon, Hero of a Thousand Lands?” the captain demanded.  He looked me up and down, much like the man did, but less mocking and more incredulous.

“I never knew his name,” I managed, nearly biting my tongue in two I was stammering so bad.

“He wore the Crest of King Ellifry!” the captain said.  “How could you not know?”

“Is that what it was?  I thought it was a fat eagle…”

The captain and all his men stared at me for a long moment, where I was certain that time must have stopped, because it lasted an eternity.

“He was on his way to slay the vicious dragon plaguing Balewood Forest!  And you killed him!”

“It was an accident!” I protested.  “I was trying to arrest him.”

“Arrest him?!”  The captain was apoplectic.  “You were trying to arrest the Hero of a Thousand Lands?  For what?  What could he have possibly done to make you arrest him?!”

“He, ah, well, you see… Hm.  It was like this…”

“Go on, I’m listening.  I’m very eager to hear your reasoning.”

I took a deep breath.  “IwasarrestinghimforkillingGrannyFairchild’schicken.”

“What?”

“He killed Granny Fairchild’s chicken,” I said again, slower.  I didn’t dare look up.  The captain wears some nice boots.  Shiny.  Tailored.  “So I was arresting him.”

“You murdered Adam Draxon, Hero of a Thousand Lands, Defender of the Free People, for killing a chicken?”

“It was an accident!” I protested again.  “I was just trying to… subdue… him…”

“And who, pray tell, is going to slay the dragon plaguing Balewood Forest?” the captain asked me scathingly.  “You?”

“I can’t kill a dragon!” I said.  I’m pretty sure I squeaked, too. 

“You killed the Hero of a Thousand Lands,” he told him, sarcasm practically dripping from his voice.  “You must be a mighty warrior, so a dragon can’t be too difficult a task for you.”

I stared at him in disbelief for a long moment.  In that moment, I saw something.  Okay, a lot of things, but mostly the one.  I saw fear.  Not of me, gods no.  The captain was afraid.  I had - accidentally or not - killed our only hope against the forces of darkness in our world.  Who was going to slay the dragon?  Certainly not me; I’d be lucky if I got close to the beast.  And certainly not the captain.  Really, there was only one person who was capable of such a feat, and he was moldering in an unmarked grave in our village cemetery.  

The next few hours went by in a blur.  I was given the Hero’s old things - things we had carefully packed away and inventoried to prevent theft - to protect me.  I was told some of it had magic, like protection against evil and the like.  It looked pretty, but ultimately worthless.  What would a shiny ring do against a dragon, except make it envious and eat me for the ring?

Really, what else did I expect?  If I had stayed, I would have been hanged for murder, at best.  At worst, I would have been drawn and quartered in some public place while my entire family was arrested and enslaved for my crimes.  In a way, the captain was saving me.  This was a chance to redeem myself - albeit a very small, very dangerous, and very, very stupid chance.  But it would keep me from a very public execution, which was generally better.

It’s not like the thought of chucking all of the Hero’s things the minute I got out of sight and running never occurred to me.  It did.  Numerous times.  I thought about it as I lay awake at night.  I thought about it as I heard story after story after story of the Dragon of Balewood Forest.  But someone had to try, damnit.  Someone had to at least try.

I never did get my gauntlet fixed.

When I had finally made it to the dragon - which, by the by, involved talking wolves and a bargain with a witch that I’m pretty sure she now regrets as you can’t exactly extract a dead person’s first born if they’ve never had children - I was tired, and hungry, and terrified out of my wits.

The mountain wasn’t as big as I pictured.  It was a large hill, at most, with a shallow cave.  I climbed up - a feat, I assure you, that sounds more daunting that it was.  I mostly walked, and like Balewood Forest, it was a pleasant walk.  And when I reached the mouth of the cave, I mustered all my meager courage to shout my challenge to the Dragon of Balewood Forest.

“H-hello?” I called out.  “Anyone home?”

A roar echoed from the cave - a massive sound that had me quaking - and smoke curled out.  I felt a blast of heat roll out of the cave.

“Look, I’d just like to talk for a bit,” I said.  “If you have time, that is.  I can come back tomorrow, if now’s not a good time for you!”

Heroic bravery at it’s finest, I tell you.

I felt an impact that was like being hit by a mountain.  I thought at first it must be some sort of cave-in or avalanche, but not.  Just dragon.  I rolled down the hill a ways, losing the sword and shield almost instantly along with my bearings.  I had barely stopped moving when a clawed paw pinned me to the ground, and I was face-to-face with a wall of long, sharp teeth and sulfuric breath.

“Adam Draxon!” the beast roared at me.  “You murdered my parents!  You have left me an orphan!  Do you have anything to say for yourself before I kill you?”

“Um, I’m not Adam Draxon,” I said.

“What?!” the dragon screeched.  It pulled back just enough to look at me with one beautiful sapphire eye.  Really, if you get the chance to look at a dragon’s eyes, you should.

“I’m not, um, I’m not Adam Draxon,” I repeated.  “I’m not anybody.”

The dragon pulled away, glowering at me.  “You’re wearing his armor. You’re wearing his Crest!”

“I still think it looks like a fat eagle,” I muttered as I took the Crest off and tossed it aside.  “Look, I know you were expecting Adam Draxon, and I’m sorry, but I’m here.  So can we talk, please?”

 “Where’s Adam Draxon?” the dragon demanded, arching itself up to look bigger.  For all the stories I’d ever heard, the dragon was really about the size of a large draft horse.  Certainly not the size of a house, like I was told.  And it’s scales - while very bright - weren’t exactly what you’d call shiny.

“Um, he’s, uh… well…”  How do you explain that the Hero of a Thousand Lands is dead?  Especially to someone who wants to cook and eat him?  “He, uh, he died.”

The dragon cocked it’s head to look at me with one eye.  “Dead?  You expect me to believe that the Slayer of a Dozen Dragons and Terror to the Dark is dead?” 

“Yeah, I was surprised, too,” I admitted.  “It was an accident.”

“Accident?” the dragon roared.  “An accident?!”

 “Well, how else was he going to die young?”

The dragon lowered itself and stared at me for a long, long, long time.  “You don’t smell like you’re lying.”

“I’m not.”

“But you don’t smell like you’re telling the truth.”

 “It’s… complicated.”

 “Tell me.”

 I took a deep breath.  “I was trying to arrest him.  His back was turned, and I hit him too hard with the pommel of my sword.”

 “… he’s really dead?”

 “He’s really dead.”

 “But he killed my parents!”

 I walked up and patted the dragon on it’s shoulder.  “I know, I’m sorry.”

 And that’s how I “defeated” the Dragon of Balewood.  He told me his story, and I listened for a while, and when night fell, he invited me to stay with him.  A dragon lair is surprisingly clean and comfortable, and we talked most of the night.  The dragon - Lorcanthan - was in need of a permanent home.  The terrorizing was merely to get Adam Draxon to his location, so he could get revenge for the murder of his parents.  There was very little terrorizing, I learned, as Lorcanthan mostly showed up and bothered the horses and maybe burned a field by accident.

 That morning, I decided to go to the villages around Balewood Forest.  For the better part of a season, I went to each village and spoke with the people.  In truth, very little actual damage occurred, and even then, it was mostly by panicking animals.  The mayors and headsmen were very reluctant to speak with me about the matter, at first, but slowly listened to what I had to say.

 Later, I went to Lorcanthan and had him come with me to the outskirts of Balewood, where the mayors and headmen were waiting.  I helped negotiate a deal for them, between the dragon and villagers.  And so the Dragon of Balewood went from plague to protector.

 Really, that’s how it started.

 Afterwards, I went to speak to the witch about the bargain, and she was willing to wait.  Being as the bargain was struck when I was under extreme duress, I managed to talk her down to shared custody.  We’ll figure out the details when I do have a child, I guess.  She sent me to talk to her sister, who was across the country, about a matter involving kidnapping.

 That was a horrible, horrible case, where I discovered the the Wicked Sorceress of the North was being blamed for the actions of a vile man.  The less said, the better, but when I had settled that matter, word go around.  

 And when a Horde of Orc Barbarians led by Thorid the Bloodthirsty threatened, I was sent to deal with them.  I don’t know how, exactly, it happened, because I had a few drinks with Thorid, but I ended up accidentally challenging his eldest to a duel and - purely by chance, I promise! - killed her.  Which made me, by Orc law, Thorid’s heir.  Somehow.  And second-in-command.

 When Thorid died from gangrene from an untreated injury by boar, I became the leader of the Horde of Orc Barbarians.

 From there, things got complicated fast.  And now I’m the Leader of the Dark Forces, and it’s the eve of war.  I sent King Ellifry a letter asking that he meet with me to negotiate this matter, but I haven’t heard back yet.  I’d really rather avoid the whole war thing, but honestly, when you actually sit down and listen to the Dark Forces, you learn that there’s a lot of inequality and oppression that really needs to be addressed.

 And as a guard sworn to uphold the law, it’s up to me to see that it is addressed.

Never did get my gauntlet fixed.

paladinkit

@wearepaladin

Source: writing-prompt-s
long post holy hell this was a ride
hijabi-adventures

Anonymous asked:

Well, the quaran says not to trust unbelievers, not to take jews or christians as friends, so what do you expect? Special treatment? When thousands of muslims who claim not to be extremists are pushing for sharia law all over the world, the world is going to react. You all are late to the party. Civilization already began and was in progress before your beloved prophet started hallucinating and demanded that everyone follow him and his version of god, who is mighty bloodthirsty, by the way.

hijabi-adventures answered:

image

It would seem like Muslims would have a good reason not to trust others, wouldn’t it?  

Ok, but in all seriousness, here are some other verses about Christians and Jews from the Quran that the media doesn’t like to talk about.

“Surely those who believe, and those who are Jews, and the Christians, and the Sabians — whoever believes in God and the Last Day and does good, they shall have their reward from their Lord. And there will be no fear for them, nor shall they grieve” (2:62, 5:69, and many other verses).

“…and nearest among them in love to the believers will you find those who say, ‘We are Christians,’ because amongst these are men devoted to learning and men who have renounced the world, and they are not arrogant” (5:82).

“O you who believe! Be helpers of God — as Jesus the son of Mary said to the Disciples, ‘Who will be my helpers in (the work of) God?’ Said the disciples, ‘We are God’s helpers!’ Then a portion of the Children of Israel believed, and a portion disbelieved. But We gave power to those who believed, against their enemies, and they became the ones that prevailed” (61:14).

“And argue not with the People of the Scripture unless it be in (a way) that is better, save with such of them as do wrong; and say: We believe in that which hath been revealed unto us and revealed unto you; our God and your God is One, and unto Him we surrender.” (29:46).

”(And remember) when Allah said: O Jesus! Lo! I am gathering thee and causing thee to ascend unto Me, and am cleansing thee of those who disbelieve and am setting those who follow thee above those who disbelieve until the Day of Resurrection. Then unto Me ye will (all) return, and I shall judge between you as to that wherein ye used to differ.” (3:55).

Also, if Muslims were told not to trust Jewish or Christian people, then why would our Muslim men be allowed to marry people of “the book” (Jews and Christians)?

Look, the problem is that everyone and their dog thinks they know what Islam really is and stands for, but they don’t even have the sense to do research or look up information from real Muslims or from Islamic sources.  It is really easy for anyone to take something out of context and make any religion look terrible.  I could do the same with the Torah or the New Testament.  As for Muhammad (pbuh) being “mighty bloodthirsty,”  even Jesus stated in the Bible, “Do not think I came to bring peace.  Nay, I did not come to bring peace.  I came with a sword.” (Matthew 10:34).

Alas, I will leave you with this… You say that the Prophet, Muhammad (pbuh) came to “the party” late?  Hmmm, this will be quite long, but the following will show what all took place before the birth of Jesus

9997 B.C.      Aborigines in Australia paint on stone

               portrayal of organized warfare             

9996-5000 BC   Cave paintings in Spain show bows in use

7000 B.C.      Fired-clay pottery

6000 B.C.      Simple bows common in northern Europe

5000 B.C.      Crop irrigation in Egypt

4500 B.C.      Badarian culture in Egypt with pottery, ivory

               spoons, and imported items such as malachite

               (green stone used for jewelry)

4000 B.C.      Domestic cattle

4000 B.C.      Wheels in Mesopotamia

4000 B.C.      Stone tools still used in Egypt and Mesopotamia

4000 B.C.      Egypt organized into nomos (provinces) ruled by

               nomarchs (chiefs)

3600 B.C.      Stone and wooden wheels widespread

3800 B.C.      Copper artifacts in Iran

3500 B.C.      Bread in Egypt

3500 B.C.      Egyptians have mirrors of metal

3500-3100 B.C. Naqada culture in Egypt, which became Egyptian

               state

3200 B.C.      Hieroglyphic writing in Egypt

3100 B.C.      Upper and Lower Egypt united under Menes,

               first Pharaoh, starts Early Dynastic Period

3100 B.C.      Writing, record keeping, and formal

               administrative organization evident in Egypt

3000 B.C.      Bronze (mix of tin and copper) tools common

               in Middle East

3000 B.C.      Chariots in Mesopotamia

3000 B.C.      Ox teams pulling plows in Egypt

3000 B.C.      Cuneiform writing in Sumer

3000 B.C.      Sumerians use fillings in bad teeth

3000 B.C.      Sumerians divide day into 24 hours

3000 B.C.      Sumerians divide hour into 60 minutes

3000 B.C.      Sumerians divide minute into 60 seconds

3000 B.C.      Sumerians divide circle into 360 degrees

               (a very divisive people, these Sumerians)

3000 B.C.      Pharaoh Atothis writes first book on human

               body (actually, ABOUT it, not ON it)

3000 B.C.      Minoans flourish on Crete

3000 B.C.      Troy inhabited

3000 B.C.      Lyre in Sumeria

3000 B.C.      Athens site inhabited

2773 B.C.      Egyptians use calendar with 365 days

2700 B.C.      Chinese make silk

2700 B.C.      “Old Copper” culture, near Lake Superior, uses

               copper for tools and ornaments

2700 B.C.      Urak of Mesopotamia is first undisputed example

               of fortified city

2700 B.C.      Sumer has fully articulated military, including

               standing army organized along modern lines

2700 B.C.      Formal record keeping and administration used

               throughout Mesopotamia

2700 B.C.      First “recorded” war, between Sumer (Iraq area)

               and Elam (Iran area), fought in Basra area

2686-2160 B.C. Period of Old Kingdom in Egypt, military staff

               developed

2630 B.C.      Egypt’s first pyramid, at Saqqara, by Pharaoh

               Djoser

2600 B.C.      Advanced soldering skills in Mesopotamia

2600 B.C.      Paved highway in Egypt

2600 B.C.      Tablets of Shruppak (Sumer) tell of city-states

               equipping 600-700 soldier armies full time,

               first evidence of standing professional armies

2550 B.C.      Khufu’s Great Pyramid at Giza, 481 feet high

2525 B.C.      First detailed account of a war, between Lagash

               and Umma (both Sumerian city-states), recorded

               in pictures on stele erected by victorious

               Eannatum of Lagash (victors write history)

2525 B.C.      Stele of Vultures (by Eannatum) shows war with

               phalanxes 6 deep by 8 wide; armor; helmets;

               spears; socket axes; sickle swords; and chariots

               pulled by onagers (wild asses)

2500 B.C.      Fortified cities are the norm in Mesopotamia

2500 B.C.      Copper helmets with leather liners common in

               Sumerian army, lessening impact of mace as a

               weapon

2500 B.C.      Battering ram developed to counter fortifications,

               since armies on the move needed supplies hidden

               in the cities

2500 B.C.      Mesopotamians develop weights and measures

               system

2500 B.C.      Great Pyramid at Giza

2500 B.C.      Egyptians performing surgery, and some

               patients live

2400 B.C.      Papyrus in Egypt

2300 B.C.      Sargon’s army of 5,300 is big for the time

2300 B.C.      Sargon the Great, of Akkad, launches conquest of

               all of Mesopotamia, first great military dictator

2296 B.C.      Chinese record sighting of comet

2250 B.C.      First evidence of composite bow, during reign of

               Naram Sin, grandson of Sargon the Great — able to

               penetrate leather armor, double range of simple bows

2200 B.C.      Duck decoys in use in Nevada

2200 B.C.      Fortress of Buhen, in Sudan, had walls, firing

               bastions, moat, and complex gates

2200 B.C.      Egypt fortifies southern area to protect against

               Nubian attack

2200 B.C.      Queen Semiramis of Babylon builds first

               tunnel under a river

2040-1786 B.C. Middle Kingdom period in Egypt, improvements in

               command structure of military and government

2000 B.C.      Celts begin spreading

2000 B.C.      First zoo has opening day, in China

1900 B.C.      Assyrians united in Mesopotamia

1900 B.C.      Hittites begin smelting iron (technology

               transfer often guarded as it spread)

1800 B.C.      Bronze metalworking spreads through Europe

               (note how long after Middle East — see 3000 B.C.)

1800 B.C.      Babylonians have multiplication tables

1792 B.C.      Hammurabi rules Babylon

1720 B.C.      Hyksos invade Egypt, with mobility-based army,

               chariots, composite bows (outranged Egyptians

               by 200 yds), penetrating ax (vs Egyptian simple

               ax), swords, body armor, helmets, and quivers

               for rapid bowfire

1720 B.C.      Hyksos establish capital at Avaris

1700 B.C.      Knossos on Crete destroyed by fire

1674 B.C.      Hyksos capture Memphis

1674 B.C.      Half of Egypt ruled by foreign Hyksos kings, other

               half by Thebes

1600 B.C.      Greek hoplites popularize armor

1600 B.C.      Mycenae (Greece) flourishes

1600 B.C.      Water clock in Egypt

1570 B.C.      New Kingdom Pharaohs begin expansion

1570-1546 B.C. Ahmose I of Thebes captures Avaris and drives out

               Hyksos invaders

1567 B.C.      Hyksos expelled from Egypt

1546-1526 B.C. Amenhotep I begins Egyptian drive into Asia

1525-1512 B.C. Thutmose I pacifies Nubia

1512-1504 B.C. Thutmose II pushes Egypt to the edge of Syria

1504-1450 B.C. Thutmose III, greatest warrior pharaoh (won 17

               of 17 campaigns), established peak Egyptian

               power, adopted best of Hyksos weapons and

               mobility, and added archers on chariots,

               reserve forces, communication improvements

               (such as semaphore) and intelligence gathering

1500 B.C.      Glassmaking perfected in Middle East,

               including bottles in Egypt

1500 B.C.      Sundials in Egypt

1500 B.C.      Phoenicians found city of Tangier in

               North Africa

1500 B.C.      Pyramids are out, cutting tombs into rock is in

1450 B.C.      Mycenae dominates Aegean

1450 B.C.      Minoans overrun by mainland Greeks

1450 B.C.      Egypt reaches greatest extent, through the

               efforts of Thutmose III

1380 B.C.      Nefertiti is queen-consort to Akhenaten

               in Egypt

1361 B.C.      Tutankhamen king of Egypt at age 9

1320 B.C.      Mycenae reaches its peak

1300 B.C.      Hittites first employ iron for weapons

1300 B.C.      Egyptian army has special field intelligence

               and commander’s conferences for staff planning

               on the battlefield

1290-1224 B.C. Ramses II, master builder pharaoh, known to

               Greeks as Ozymandias, has total army of 100,000

1288 B.C.      Battle of Kadesh, Ramses II and an army of

               20,000 ambushed by 16,000 Hittites, including

               2,500 chariots. Ramses escapes from trap and

               counterattacks as Hittites are looting the field.

               Subsequent stalemate begins 17 fruitless war years.      

1200 B.C.      Hittites overrun by the Sea Peoples (mostly

               displaced from Aegean region by northern

               invaders, the Sea Peoples included Philis-

               tines and other groups who later settled

               in Palestine and surrounding area)

1200 B.C.      Iron smelting perfected (in only 700 years)

               and as Hittites are scattered, their ironsmiths

               spread the knowledge

1200 B.C.      Olmec civilization by Gulf of Mexico;

               includes written language, use of numbers,

               large temples, and intricate statues

1194-1163 B.C. Ramses III, last of great New Kingdom rulers

1190 B.C.      Trojan War (between Troy and Mycenae)

1100 B.C.      Phoenicians found Cadiz, Iberian Peninsula

1100 B.C.      Mycenae falls to invaders

1100-800 B.C.  Age of Darkness in Aegean area, Dorian and

               Ionian invasions interrupt Mycenaean civilization

1020 B.C.      Israelite tribes united under Saul

1000 B.C.      Jerusalem becomes Israeli capital

1000 B.C.      Saul succeeded by David

 972 B.C.      Solomon succeeds David

 900 B.C.      Celts spread through Gaul

 900 B.C.      First recorded mention of symbol for zero,

               in India

 883 B.C.      Assyrian empire expands

 814 B.C.      Phoenicians found Carthage

 800 B.C.      Corinth founded

 776 B.C.      First Olympic Games

 753 B.C.      Romulus and Remus found Rome

 750 B.C.      Homer writing

 750 B.C.      Caste system firmly established in India

 750 B.C.      Etruscans expand Italian colonies

 750 B.C.      Greek colony of Cumae in Italy

 734 B.C.      Corinth settles Corcyra (Corfu)

 732 B.C.      Assyria takes Damascus

 729 B.C.      Assyria takes Babylon

 722 B.C.      Assyria takes Israel

 721 B.C.      Sargon II forms last Assyrian dynasty

               (but he didn’t know it at the time)

 715 B.C.      Sparta beats Messenia (details at 11) in

               First Messenian War

 712-612 B.C.  Assyrians dominate Fertile Crescent

 700 B.C.      Assyrians: 150-200,000 in army, with combined

               arms field armies of 50,000 mixed infantry,

               chariots, and cavalry

 700 B.C.      Biremes (two banks of oars) developed

 700 B.C.      Coins used in Lydia (Turkey)

 700 B.C.      Iron begins replacing copper in Europe

 700 B.C.      Saddle developed by Scythians (but no

               stirrups, yet)

 691 B.C.      Assyrian 34-mile aqueduct carries water

               to Nineveh

 689 B.C.      Assyrians destroy Babylon after it revolts

 688 B.C.      Boxing added to Olympics

 671 B.C.      Assyrians capture part of Egypt

 663 B.C.      Assyria peaks out

 660 B.C.      Byzantium (Istanbul) established

 650 B.C.      First reference of triremes (three rows of oars)

 640 B.C.      Kingdom of Macedonia started

 625 B.C.      King Cyaxares unites Median tribes

 624 B.C.      Horse racing added to Olympics

 616 B.C.      Etruscan king Tarquinius Priscus rules Rome

 612 B.C.      Medes and Babylonians sack Nineveh, and

               Assyrian empire falls

 610-545 B.C.  Greek scientist/philosopher Thales of

               Miletus teaches value of using reason and

               observation to understand the world

 609 B.C.      Necho II is Pharaoh of Egypt, Necho canal

               links Nile with Red Sea

 605-562 B.C.  Nebuchadnezzar II extends his empire and

               builds the Hanging Gardens

 600 B.C.      Greek colony of Poseidonia (Paestum), Italy

 600 B.C.      Greek colony of Massilia (Marseilles)

 600-509 B.C.  Estruscan dominance of Rome

 600 B.C.      Chinese practice cultivating crops in rows

               and hoeing intensively — not practiced in

               Europe widely until 18th century

 594 B.C.      The archon named Solon brings BIG social

               reform to Athens. Archons were among chief

               magistrates of Athens.  Solon brought laws

               which ended enslavement for debt, intro-

               duced right of appeal, amended methods for

               contracts and taxation, and reduced powers

               of hereditary aristocracy over the poor —

               setting stage for later class struggles.

               His name became term commonly used to

               describe any wise lawgiver.

 586 B.C.      Chaldeans under Nebuchadnezzar II destroy

               Jerusalem, and take Jews into captivity

 585 B.C.      Greek scientist/philosopher Thales of

               Miletus predicts solar eclipse

 563-483 B.C.  Buddha

 561 B.C.      Peisistratus is tyrant of Athens, meaning

               one who rules without legal warrant, but

               not necessarily good or evil ruler

 556-539 B.C.  Nabonidus, King of Babylon, is first known

               archaeologist (he didn’t have to dig far)

 551 B.C.      Birth of Confucius, Chinese philosopher who

               taught you should treat others as you would

               be treated

 551-478 B.C.  Confucius

 550 B.C.      Lao-Tzu outlines philosophy of Taoism

 550 B.C.      First Greek plays

 539 B.C.      Cyrus the Great (Persian) conquers Babylon

 537 B.C.      Persians free Jews from Babylonian rule

 530 B.C.      Cyrus the Great killed in battle

 525 B.C.      Persians under Cambyses II (son of Cyrus)

               whip Egypt

 512 B.C.      Darius I (Persian) conquers Byzantium (do

               you think he called himself “the first”?)

 510 B.C.      Spartan king Cleomenes I overthrows

               Athenian tyrant Hippias

 509 B.C.      Rome becomes republic after throwing out

               the last king

 507 B.C.      Cleisthenes gives democracy to Athens

 500 B.C.      First record of use of bow and arrow in

               North America, perhaps brought from Asia

 500 B.C.      “The Art of War,” by Sun Tzu, mentions

               powerful crossbows firing arrows

 500 B.C.      Persian Empire near its peak

 499-448 B.C.  Greek-Persian War

 494 B.C.      Spartan king Cleomenes I defeats city of

               Argos

 493 B.C.      Rome allied with Latin League, the group

               of cities in the Latium district around

               Rome

 490 B.C.      Corinth foils plan of Spartan king

               Cleomenes I to reinstall Hippias as

               tyrant of Athens (apparently Cleomenes

               thought Hippias would be easier to handle

               than a democratic Athens)

 490 B.C.      Greeks bust Persian chops at Marathon

 490 B.C.      Battle of Marathon: 24,000 Persians vs 10,000

               Greeks; 6,400 Persian dead, 192 Athenians dead

 490-486 B.C.  Massive Persian preparations for going

               after Greece again

 486 B.C.      Egypt revolts against Persia, delaying

               Darius’ rematch with Greece

 485 B.C.      Darius dies and Xerxes, his son, is king

               of Persia

 484 B.C.      Persians put down Egyptian revolt

 480 B.C.      Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus

               active

 480 B.C.      Carthaginian sea captain, Hanno, explores

               coast of West Africa with his fleet

 480 B.C.      Greek philosopher Pythagoras of Samos dies

               (but left us his theorem)

 480 B.C.      Xerxes builds bridge across Hellespont, using

               774 anchored boats

 480 B.C.      Greeks get big navy win over Persians at

               Salamis, and Xerxes has a ringside seat

 480 B.C.      Persians squeak by Thermopylae, beat

               Greeks, and loot and burn Athens (sounds

               like a soccer game, with fans)

 480 B.C.      Xerxes goes back to Persia, leaving

               Mardonius to mop up the Greek war

 479-431 B.C.  Golden Age of Athens

 479 B.C.      Aristides and Pausanias lead Greeks over

               Persians at Plataea, destroying Mardonius

               and his army

 479 B.C.      Greeks land in Asia Minor and defeat

               Persian force at Mycale  (Greeks lead the

               series 4-1 )

 478 B.C.      Delian League established to maintain Greek

               naval supremacy in Aegean, get Persians off

               Greek islands, and free Greek colonies in

               Asia Minor

 469-399 B.C.  Socrates

 466 B.C.      Greek Cimon defeats Persians at Eurymedon,

               final battle to free Greeks in Asia Minor

 465 B.C.      Xerxes assassinated; son Artaxerxes I

               succeeds him

 460 B.C.      Pericles influential in Athens

 460-359 B.C.  Hippocrates

 460-445 B.C.  FIRST PELOPONNESIAN WAR, between Athens

               and Corinth-Sparta

 450 B.C.      Some of Delian League think Persian threat

               is gone; they try to quit; they sleep with

               the fishes when Athens says “NO”

 450 B.C.      Delian League becomes essentially Athenian

               empire, provoking fear and opposition in

               Sparta, Corinth, Thebes, and other cities

 447 B.C.      Parthenon construction started

 445 B.C.      “Thirty-Year Peace,” initiated by Pericles,

               ends First Peloponnesian War

 445 B.C.      Rome removes ban on marriage between

               patricians and plebeians

 435 B.C.      Naval war between Corinth and Corcyra

               (Corfu): Corinth allied with Sparta;

               Corcyra allied with Athens

 433 B.C.      Athens intervenes in naval war between

               Corinth and Corcyra

 432-404 B.C.  SECOND PELOPONNESIAN WAR

 432 B.C.      Sparta declares war against Athens

 432 B.C.      Parthenon finished

 431 B.C.      Athens can put forth 13,000 hoplites; 16,000

               older garrison soldiers; 1,200 mounted men;

               and 1,600 archers

 431-421 B.C.  The Archidamian War, first phase of Second

               Peloponnesian War

 431-430 B.C.  Sparta ravages Attica

 430 B.C.      Herodotus writes History of Persian Wars

               (if you want to look good in history, you

               better write it)

 430 B.C.      Pestilence hits Athens, behind her walls,

               and one fourth of population dies

 429 B.C.      Pericles dies from the pestilence

 427 B.C.      Revolts of Corcyra and Lesbos against

               Athens

 427 B.C.      First Sicilian expedition by Athens

 427 B.C.      Sparta and Thebes destroy Plataea, Athens’ ally

 425 B.C.      Athenians under Cleon and Demosthenes win

               at Pylos and Sphacteria, an island off

               southwestern Greek coast, and capture

               Spartan prisoners.  Sparta sues for peace

 425 B.C.      Oedipus Rex, play by Sophocles, performed

               (Greece enters its Freudian period)

 424 B.C.      Boetians use flame thrower against wooden walls

               of Delium

 424-422 B.C.  Spartan general Brasidas leads expedition

               into Thrace to strike at Athenian posses-

               sions in that region

 422 B.C.      Spartan general Brasidas and Athenian

               general Cleon killed at Amphipolis

 421-413 B.C.  Peace of Nicias and Sicilian Expedition,

               second phase of Second Peloponnesian War

 421 B.C.      Athens can put forth 1,300 hoplites and

               1,000 horsemen

 421 B.C.      Peace of Nicias, between Spartan and

               Athenian sides, scheduled to last 50 years

               … but sporadic fighting continues

 418 B.C.      Sparta wins A BIG ONE at Battle of Mantinea

 418 B.C.      Melian Dialogue, where Athens discusses the

               punishment island of Melos should get for

               misbehavin’ — the decision, kill all the

               men (WHAT KIND OF A DIALOGUE IS THAT?)

 415 B.C.      Athenians send an expedition to conquer

               Sicily (as foreboding music plays)

 415 B.C.      Alcibiades defects to Sparta

 414-404 B.C.  The Ionian War, the final phase of the

               Second Peloponnesian War

 414 B.C.      Sparta joins Syracuse against Athens

 413 B.C.      Sparta establishes fort at Decelea,

               defeats Athenian force in Great Harbor of

               Syracuse; captures and kills Nicias and

               Demosthenes

 412 B.C.      Athenian counterattacks bring victories at

               Chinos and Miletus

 412-411 B.C.  Some of Athenian allies revolt, Persians

               join Spartan side, Athens raises another

               fleet, AND GIVES ITS COMMAND TO ALCIBIADES,

               the same guy who earlier betrayed Athens to

               Sparta (these Athenians would be good to

               have on your parole board)

 411 B.C.      Athenian naval victory over Spartan fleet

               at Hellespont

 411 B.C.      End of Thucydides’ History

 410 B.C.      Alcibiades whoops a joint Spartan and

               Persian force, Sparta suggests peace,

               Athens refuses (greed is an ugly thing)

 409 B.C.      Carthaginians attack and seize cities in

               Sicily (Athens could have used these guys)

 408 B.C.      Persian king Darius II sends his younger

               son Cyrus to govern Asia Minor, and help

               Sparta against Athens

 408-407 B.C.  Sparta allied with Persia

 406 B.C.      Carthaginians continue conquest of Sicily

 405 B.C.      Athenian fleet almost totally destroyed by

               Spartan admiral Lysander, when he catches

               it on the beach at Aegospotami (triremes

               normally came to shore at night, but you

               don’t want to sleep later than opponent)

 405 B.C.      Athens besieged

 405 B.C.      Dionysius (not a Carthaginian) becomes

               ruler in Syracuse

 404 B.C.      Athens surrenders

 404 B.C.      SECOND PELOPONNESIAN WAR ENDS — Sparta

               the winner

 404 B.C.      Egypt gains independence from Persia

 401-400 B.C.  Cyrus the Younger leads expedition against

               his older brother Artaxerxes (now ruler of

               Persia)

 400 B.C.      Cyrus the Younger dies in battle, and his

               10,000 Greek mercenaries fight long route

               back to Black Sea, through Persian army

               and a bunch of other folks (“Retreat of

               the Ten Thousand” written of by Xenophon)

 400 B.C.      Greek physician Hippocrates active

 400 B.C.      Greek philosopher Democritus suggests world

               is made up of tiny particles called atoms

 400 B.C.      Greek gastraphetes (“belly shooter”), early

               large crossbow, used as heavy artillery

 400 B.C.      Trace harness developed in China.  The concept,

               of a yoke across the chest with traces

               connected, may have originated in use with

               humans used to pull boats on canals.  The

               harness will arrive in Europe in 568 A.D.

 400 B.C.      Cast iron in use in China.  Would be in use

               in Scandinavia by late 8th century A.D. and

               throughout Europe by 1380 A.D.

 399 B.C.      Socrates executed for being impious and

               contributing to the delinquency of minors

               (ah, back when crime didn’t pay)

 399-394 B.C.  Spartans war against Persians in Asia Minor

               (how quickly those allies are forgotten)

 397 B.C.      Dionysius successfully defends Syracuse

               against Carthaginians

 397 B.C.      Dionysius uses siege towers and catapults

               against Motya

 396 B.C.      Rome’s first biggie — destroying Etruscan

               city of Veii

 394-393 B.C.  Athenian admiral Conon, aided by a Persian

               fleet, defeats Spartans and restores

               fortifications of Athens

 390 B.C.      Gallic king Brennus sacks Rome and burns

               it, and also smashes many of Rome’s

               northern allies (payback to come later)

 390 B.C.      First known kite, in China

 387 B.C.      Plato founds Academy

 387-386 B.C.  Persian king helps Greeks negotiate peace

 386 B.C.      Thebans and Athenians renew war with Sparta

 371 B.C.      Theban king Epaminondas defeats Spartans at

               Leuctra; Thebes dominates Greece.

 370 B.C.      Plato writes The Republic

 362 B.C.      Athens and Sparta form alliance against

               Thebes

 362 B.C.      Theban king Epaminondas wins big victory

               at Mantinea, but is killed, and Theban

               power quickly peters out

 359-336 B.C.  Philip II is king of Macedonia, having

               earlier been a hostage and student of

               Epaminondas, at Thebes, where Philip took

               lots of notes

 359 B.C.      Philip II begins thorough training program

               for Macedonian army

 350 B.C.      Philip II of Macedon organizes special

               military engineer group

 343 B.C.      Rome begins Samnite wars, which last 50

               years but secure central Italy

 342-270 B.C.  Epicurus and followers, Epicureans,

               advocating less dependence on material things

 341 B.C.      Persians reconquer Egypt

 339 B.C.      Philip II of Macedonia defeats Athens and

               Thebes at Chaeronea, establishing

               Macedonian dominion over Greece

 338 B.C.      Rome defeats Latin League (old ally of

               Rome, there’s a lesson here) in Latin Wars

 338-146 B.C.  Hellenistic Age

 336 B.C.      Philip II assassinated; Alexander succeeds

               him

 336-323 B.C.  Alexander rules

 336 B.C.      Rumors of Alexander’s death (while he is

               fighting northern barbarians) cause several

               Greek cities to revolt

 336 B.C.      Alexander comes home, quickly destroys

               Thebes, and convinces the other cities that

               rumors of his death are greatly exaggerated

 334 B.C.      Alexander crosses Hellespont and wins the

               Battle of Granicus, opening Asia to him

 333 B.C.      Alexander defeats Persian king Darius III

               at Battle of Issus

 333 B.C.      Alexander lays siege to Tyre in Phoenicia

 332 B.C.      Alexander captures Tyre, Gaza, and Egypt

 332 B.C.      Alexander founds Alexandria in Egypt (one

               of over 20 towns by that name which he founded

               — not very original, is he?)

 331 B.C.      Alexander defeats Darius III at Gaugamela or

               Battle of Arbela: Darius III has army of

               300,000 infantry; 40,000 cavalry; 250 chariots;

               and 50 elephants — beaten by Alex and 60,000

 327 B.C.      Alexander invades India

 323 B.C.      Alexander dies at Babylon; the Diadochi

               (“successors” in Greek) seek to control

               the empire

 323 B.C.      Alexander’s general Ptolemy I gets Egypt

               and Palestine

 312 B.C.      Romans begin building the Via Appia

               (Appian Way)

 305 B.C.      Seleucus I Nicatur (the Conqueror) is king

               of Macedonia

 300 B.C.      Greek mathematician Euclid active

 300 B.C.      Bantu people spread over eastern and

               southern Africa

 287-211 B.C.  Archimedes

 279 B.C.      Greeks block Gauls at Thermopylae

 270 B.C.      Greek astronomer, Aristarchus, states the

               Earth revolves around the sun

 270-230 B.C.  Alexandrian mathematician, Ctesibius,

               invents the organ, the water pump, the

               spring, and the valve

 264-241 B.C.  First Punic War

 264 B.C.      Carthage occupies Sicily, starting First

               Punic War with Rome

 264 B.C.      Adulis in Ethiopia is large trade center

               for trade between Africa and Arabia, with

               goods from Europe and India as well

 264-100 B.C.  Frequent bouts of pirates in greater

               Mediterranean Sea

 256 B.C.      Romans besiege Carthage, but are beaten

 255 B.C.      Roman fleet of 248 ships sunk in storm off

               Cape Pachymus, losing 100,000+ men, fifteen

               percent of military age men in Italy

 250 B.C.      Greek mathematician, Archimedes, states

               laws of specific gravity

 241 B.C.      Romans defeat Carthaginians, ending the

               First Punic War

 240 B.C.      Eratosthenes of Cyrene calculates Earth’s

               circumference at about 24,000 miles (in

               their units of course, he didn’t use miles)

 240 B.C.      First Latin literature, in Rome

 239 B.C.      Halley’s comet first recorded (but under an

               assumed name)

 238 B.C.      Romans seize Sardinia and Corsica from

               Carthage

 237 B.C.      Carthaginian generals Hasdrubal and

               Hannibal conquer lots of Iberian Peninsula

 227 B.C.      Spartan king Cleomenes III defeats Achaean

               League

 222 B.C.      Macedonian king Antigonus III helps Achaean

               League to defeat Sparta (don’t these end-

               less things make you think of that phrase

               “what goes around comes around”?)

 222 B.C.      Alexandria is center of science and learning,

               with 400,000 scrolls in library, and a 200

               foot lighthouse to guide folks to the library

 219 B.C.      Hannibal attacks Romans at Saguntum

               (Sagunto)

 218 B.C.      Hannibal crosses Alps into Italy

 218 B.C.      Rome declares war on Spain, starting Second

               Punic War

 218-201 B.C.  Second Punic War

 218 B.C.      Battle of Trebia, Hannibal destroys Roman army

               of 40,000

 217 B.C.      Battle of Lake Trasimene, Hannibal destroys

               Roman army of 40,000

 216 B.C.      Hannibal is BIG (we’re talking REALLY BIG)

               winner over Romans at Battle of Cannae,

               destroying Roman army of 80,000

 215-205 B.C.  Macedonian-Rome Wars

 215 B.C.      Great Wall of China begun (but not by Han-

               nibal, he had his hands full)

 212 B.C.      Mathematician Archimedes killed during

               Roman siege of Syracuse

 206 B.C.      Roman general Scipio Africanus Major beats

               Carthaginians in Spain

 206 B.C.      Seleucid king Antiochus III takes Armenia,

               Parthia, and Bactria

 206 BC-220 AD Crossbows common in China during Han dynasty

 204 B.C.      Roman general Scipio Africanus Major

               invades Africa (that’s how he got his name)

 202 B.C.      Battle of Zama, Second Punic War

 202 B.C.      Seleucid king Antiochus III begins conquest

               of Syria and Palestine

 200-0 B.C.    Han dynasty in China develops paper, gun-

               powder,and moveable type

 201 B.C.      Rome, Pergamum, and Rhodes unite against

               Philip V of Macedonia

 200 B.C.      Parisii tribe (Gauls) settle on site of

               Paris

 200 B.C.      Iron horseshoes arrive (allowing

               increased speed of cavalry and greater

               mobility over rough ground)

 200 B.C.      Parchment in wide use

 200 B.C.      Stirrups in use (… IN CHINA ! … not

               in the West for a long time)

 200 B.C.      Gimbals in use in China — not the department

               store, but the basis of gyroscopes

 200 B.C.      Very expensive mail armor (from Latin macula, net)

 197 B.C.      Romans defeat Macedonians at Cynoscephalae

 196 B.C.      Seleucid king Antiochus III invades Thrace

               (this is one busy guy)

 191 B.C.      Antiochus III defeated by Romans at

               Thermopylae (no wonder … he was wore out)

 184 B.C.      Cato becomes censor of Rome (what were they

               writing on those parchments?) — a censor

               being one of two chief magistrates who

               controlled registration of citizens and

               property, and who were entrusted with

               supervision of manners and morals

 183 B.C.      Hannibal commits suicide to avoid surren-

               dering to Rome (ooo, way to hurt ‘em,

               Hannibal … take that)

 179 B.C.      Perseus is king of Macedonia, succeeding

               his father Philip V

 168 B.C.      Jews, under Maccabees, revolt against

               Seleucids

 168 B.C.      Romans defeat Perseus of Macedonia and

               abolish Macedonian monarchy (Macedonian

               tabloids were furious)

 157 B.C.      Chinese arsenals contain 200,000+ crossbows,

               of such complicated high-tolerance that

               captured ones couldn’t be duplicated by

               enemies, and the arrows were too short for

               enemy bows

 150 B.C.      Hipparchus of Rhodes compiles first star

               catalog (and Tom Cruise wasn’t in it)

 149 B.C.      Third Punic War starts when Carthage

               attacks Roman ally Numidia

 149-146 B.C.  Third Punic War

 146 B.C.      Roman general Scipio Africanus Minor

               (also known as Scipio Aemilianus)

               destroys Carthage, after 3-year siege,

               thus ending Third (and final) Punic War

 146 B.C.      Rome destroys Achaean League in Greece

               (good year for Rome, bad for the rest)

 139 B.C.      Rome defeats Celts in Iberian Peninsula

               and establishes Lusitania

 130 B.C.      List of Seven Wonders of the World, by

               poet Antipater of Sidon, comes out to rave

               reviews and goes to the top of the charts

 121 B.C.      Rome gains control of Gallic settlement of

               Nimes (from which we got “de Nimes” or

               “denims,” which is French for “the pants

               you wear to look cool”)

 119 B.C.      Han dynasty in China nationalizes natural

               gas, cast iron, and salt industries. The

               natural gas was gotten by deep drilling

               and used primarily to heat and speed

               evaporation of the brine in the salt works.

 111 B.C.      China’s Han dynasty annexes Annam

               (northern Vietnam)

 106 B.C.      Rome takes Gallic city of Tolosa (Toulouse)

 105 B.C.      Roman army adopts training methods used in

               gladiator schools

 105 B.C.      Rome conquers Numidia (hey, weren’t they an

               ally just a few lines ago?)

 100 B.C.      Greek grammarian Dionysius Thrax publishes

               Art of Grammar

  95 B.C.      Armenia, under Tigranes I, begins to expand

  91 B.C.      Rome and allies begin Social War (isn’t

               that an oxymoron?) — allies revolted

               against Rome, and Rome declared that those

               who submitted to Rome would have Roman

               citizenship

  89 B.C.      Roman citizenship rights granted throughout

               Italy

  87 B.C.      Rome captured by rebels in civil war

  82 B.C.      Roman general Sulla, using his private

               army, recaptures Rome and becomes dictator

               in an attempt to restore the oligarchy —

               a dictator was usually a chief magistrate

               with supreme authority, usually appointed

               by Senate, usually in times of emergency,

               and usually for a term of six months

  80 B.C.      Sulla smashes Etruscans; then they become

               Roman citizens

  77 B.C.      First “encyclopedia”…Pliny the Elder’s

               Historia Naturalis

  73 B.C.      Gladiator Spartacus leads uprising of

               around 40,000+ fugitive Roman slaves

  71 B.C.      Spartacus killed at Lucania by Roman

               general Marcus Licinius Crassus

  63 B.C.      Roman general Pompey conquers Palestine

  60 B.C.      Pompey, Crassus, and Julius Caesar form

               First Roman Triumvirate

  59 B.C.      Acta diurna, a news gazette, published

               in Rome

  58 B.C.      Julius Caesar invades Gaul, starting

               Gallic Wars

58-52 B.C.     Gallic Wars

  57 B.C.      Julius Caesar defeats the Belgae, in

               present day Belgium

  55 B.C.      Julius Caesar invades Britain

  52 B.C.      Vercingetorix unifies Gallic tribes

               against Rome

  51 B.C.      Julius Caesar conquers Gaul, ending the

               Gallic War (on a galling note for Gauls)

  50 B.C.      Glassblowing in Phoenicia

  49 B.C.      Julius Caesar crosses Rubicon into Italy,

               starting a civil war

  48 B.C.      Julius Caesar beats Pompey at Pharsalus

               (Pompey flees to Egypt, where he is

               assassinated)

  48 B.C.      Egyptian civil war between Ptolemy III

               and his sister Cleopatra

  47 B.C.      New Year starts on January 1st for first

               time, with new Roman calendar

  47 B.C.      Caesar arrives in Egypt, with army, …

               and likes Cleopatra … a LOT

  47 B.C.      Ptolemy killed

  46 B.C.      Caesar appointed dictator of Rome

  44 B.C.      Caesar assassinated

  43 B.C.      Mark Anthony, Octavian (Augustus), and

               Lepidus are Second Roman Triumvirate

43-41 B.C.     War of the Second Triumvirate (Rome)

  42 B.C.      Octavian and Mark Anthony defeat Brutus

               and Cassius at Philippi (these two were

               among the alleged killers of Caesar)

  42 B.C.      Mark Anthony finds he also likes Queen

               Cleopatra … a LOT

  37 B.C.      Herod the Great rules Judea

  31 B.C.      Octavian defeats Mark Anthony at Actium

  31 BC-450 AD Roman Empire

  30 B.C.      Mark Anthony and Cleopatra commit

               suicide, separately

  27 B.C.      Octavian is first Roman emperor, and the

               Senate names him Augustus (our Senate could

               never get away with renaming presidents,

               and CALLing them names just isn’t the same)

  27 B.C.      Octavian establishes Praetorian guard (see,

               he did notice what happened to Julius)

  23 B.C.      Roman poet Horace writes his odes

  20 B.C.      Marcus Verrius Flaccus compiles first general

               dictionary

  12 B.C.      Rome begins attempt to grab Germany

I suppose quite a few prophets showed up late to the party according to the history of mankind timeline….

long post